Archive for June, 2009

Not News tonight at 11

I cannot stand media outlets that report news… because it’s never really news…. ahem TMZ, and every other “entertainment this hour” shows that plague my tv!!!

For Example: Anthony Kiedis going grocery shopping qualifies as not news. Please don’t have this as a headline event. He eats food. And it is not delivered by Dave Navarro every day of the week.

I mean Anthony Kiedis is exceptionally awesome… but I don’t need to know if he buys skim milk, and febreeze. Especially since he doesn’t follow me around the market snickering at my fruitcups and granola bars.

Let the peep’s shop in peace.

That I think is my public service announcement for the week.

♫LAUREN

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Beach Ladies

Nothing says summer in California like the beach.

And the beach is always covered in the ladies…

so that means that the beach always has an Eric… right????

this is so not professional.

♫LAUREN

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The Stay-cation

Isabel and Clay are having a delicious vacations in the San Diego area to promote a fabulous stay-cations.

Also this is what Isabel did on Saturday instead of seeing the Year One with yours truly.

Yes I know… and to quote the very adorable Dolly Parton “it’s all wrong, but it’s all right.”

♫LAUREN

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the murkiest monday

This week is a real bummer.

RIP Billy Mays: beloved television personality

My shirts won’t feel so clean without you here… and to pay tribute to your memory no bleach shall ever be used by me.

♫LAUREN

p.s. I will buy might putty… the next time i really feel i need it.

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Casa Bonita

Eric said that this weekend he’s going camping with his prayer group.

This can only mean one thing he’s going to Casa Bonita… in Denver, Colorado. To live out his dreams as Cartman… But he’s not going alone:

At least bring me and Dab back some burritos.

♫LAUREN

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Young Pup

I was going through some old pictures to delete memories and I found a few cute ones here is one my my favorites:

my beagle when she was but a pup…

she’s all into modeling here.

Now she’s just into sleeping… and eating

♫LAUREN

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He likes Your Moves

Okay as well known as I could possibly make this…. I love the Cure,  I adore them so much I could use a “♥”. Actually one of my dreams has always been to meet Robert Smith… he’s the definition of cool to me!

I must also say that I cannot stop listening to The Black Kids, they have this song that sounds so much like the Cure the first time I heard it I felt the joy of Robert Smith.

Apparently not everyone digs their sound because they sound too much like the Cure… but in my opinion sounding like the Cure can never be wrong!!!!!

And the music video could not be any more awesome. If at all possible they combined the Cure and Marie Antoinette together… (yeah more that just the soundtrack!!!)

here’s some clips from the video that state my case  :)

looks like Marie Antoinette by Sophia Coppala….

also it looks like the video for boys don’t cry

I could just pass out due to my obscene happiness!!!!

♫LAUREN

HERE’S SOME GRATUITOUS ROBERT SMITH FOR THE ROAD:

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Vroom Vroom

Before being an internet sensation and the truest love of Clay Aiken, Isabel started a humble car modeling career.

in fact she totally modeled for mercedes… the station wagon edition…

in fact we both modeled… but I was the national “neon” spokeswoman.

Ahhh the memories :)

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One Glove Salute: RIP MJ

Okay nothing snarky or sarcastic here (for a change)

Thank you my dear friends for flooding me with the information about Michael Jackson. Yes Jimmy and Christine I believe you now!!!

I hope people don’t use his passing as an excuse to be really shitty… ahem TMZ!!! Please don’t be more assy than regular

He was a talented musician.

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Lunch Time

For the love of John Stamos I’m Hungry.

This message is sent from the Office of John Stamos to everyone besides Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O’Connell.

♫LAUREN

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Why not Architecture?

I realized that although I love this goofy Photoshop filled site… I never write about architecture…….

I look at lots of Architecture every day... I should share it with more than Jimmy and Nancy :)

I look at lots of Architecture every day... I should share it with more than Jimmy and Nancy :) Like this sustainable house in Malaga Spain by Mecanoo Architecten

I always thought that pushing my views on architecture was bad, and would make me just like any other pretentious fool that spews their opinions about concrete. Then I realized I push a lot of thangs anyway so… I definitely think architecture is coming to Viciously Sweet.

Are you prepared?

Now that we’re talking about our professions this means Isabel… I want some blogs about Biology. And Christine I want more blogs about Trannies and Business, and business trannies.

And Jimmy… I WANT TO KNOW SO MUCH MORE ABOUT THE VALLEY!

that is all.

♫LAUREN

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Professional Attire Only

If you like style you’ll love professional Eric Ties!!!!

 

get yours TODAY!!!

♫LAUREN

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A Public Service Announcement

Remember Smokey the bear… and how he disapproved of the Forest blazing? Well if there were updated commercials she would say “you could also prevent Shia Labeouf.”

Please say no to Shia LeBeefcake!

Although Eric can’t pull himself away from this mans movies… there is still a choice, and there is still hope.

♫LAUREN

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Hey there Old Lady…

So last night I made a run to Best Buy (the only music store around here)… to buy Michael John’s new CD which, btw is totally delicious. If this Album were released in the 1980’s it would be a classic by now. Hopefully it does well because this guy’s has a stellar voice.

Relishing in the fact I picked up the last CD they had there I cavorted my merry bootie down the isles of the movies to see if there were any magical films I must own.

“While you were Sleeping” for $6, which is one of my favorite  movies… mine.

And every Devon Sawa movie for $5…. I’ll be back later for “Idle hands” and “Slackers”:)

and Slackers even has Big Pete from Pete and Pete

and "Slackers even has Big Pete from "Pete and Pete"

 It has this very Pete:

On a non Pete and Pete related story they also they had movies with special packaging that said the perfect gift for mom. Ex. “Amelie” and “Say Anything”

so..... this is what moms like?

so..... this is what mom's like?

I only had this to say “I love those movies… but have no children” thanks for making me feel wicked old once again Best Buy.

I didn’t even have to ask a question to your staff this time to leave feeling like an old lady.

♫LAUREN

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Work Mysteries

Sometimes I wonder things at work:

and why don’t we play pictionary????

This could be us!!!

That would be most awesome!

♫LAUREN

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Safari Love

Today we take you into the splendored love of Isabel and Clay.

We hear they are signing on for a reality TV show to replace many of the failed relationships on the air already. They want to show the world “real” love.

And they can only do so in the wilds of WILD-OMAR!!!!!

 

coming fall 2009

 ♫LAUREN

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My Hunk has Shrunk

Since we’re already focusing on things that we have lost…

I would like to add Billie Joe Armstrong’s regular man style and humor to the list.

I used to adore Billie Joe Armstrong… but now he wears more make-up than me and CARES ABOUT STUFF… ewww

And why is his voice so high and pitchy in “21 Guns” … I miss the days of Insomniac. I miss “Stuart and the Avenue” and his black jeans.

I miss when they looked like they just showed up for a music video… sans primping.

Now it seems like Billie Joe Armstrong takes longer than me to get ready.

I like when guys wear T-shirts and hoodies… to me this is appealing. I may be wicked off. But someone has to agree with me or there would be not t-shirts and hoodies.

 

 

 

Because it’s totally lame for you to be into style when you want to save the world. You don’t have to dress like you are giving a presentation for me to take you seriously.

Also looking like a bonus Jonas is bad.

So for my own sake I try to remember Billie Joe circa Nimrod… when all he cared about was having the time of his life.

dude.

♫LAUREN

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Where the Boys Are…

Last Night Jimmy was reading me an article from 2001 (and not the space odyssey)

It was about a subject that interests me and not just because it is about the men’s… it was an article about future leading men. This is interesting because it listed quite a few men I haven’t heard of in years like Jay Hernandez and Kip Pardue. I have been wondering where a generation of actors went… and how we unfortunately ended up with Shia LaBeouf and Zac Efron??? Men/boys that I am so just not into:

Granted there have been tragedies… Heath Ledger and Brad Renfro both had promising careers.

But that whole generation of actors isn’t gone… I know there is more serious actors than Orlando Bloom and Jake Gyllenhaal. Come on Hire these guys so we don’t have to see Shia like every 3 minutes.

Where did Ben Savage go??  How did everyone liked him meeting the world as a boy but not as a man???

 And for that matter where is a Ryder Strong?? Quite candidly every girl my age adored him… and you really cannot deny it. What has he been up to lately??

and my last TV actor… Christopher Ralph! Remember “in a Heartbeat???” or “Animorphs”???  Yeah him… I know Christine remembers him. I also will be honest and say he was totally in my locker in High School. And how is that blond guy from Animorphs still acting… ewww.

Lets switch to movie stars…….

What happened to Chris Klein? I mean he isn’t with visual blight Katie Holmes anymore… can someone give him a job? That doesn’t involve pie???

What about Jesse Bradford?? He totally brought it in “Bring it On” and in “Flags of Our Fathers”… It was so hard to find a showing of his last movie “My Sassy Girl”… and now he has a movie called Table for Three coming out… WHICH LOOKS AWESOME!

What about Ryan Phillippe?? He was a good actor. “Cruel Intentions” “GosfordPark” Yeah I know, Reese got the acting career in the divorce… sure he may be a bit of a slime… but Jude Law gets acting roles too! And that man is a slimey limey.

Where is Andrew Keegan? Was it his complete jerk role in “10 things I hate about you” that killed his acting career… because I think so.

And what ever happened to  Freddy PrinzeJr.??? He was like the one of the only not completely white heartthrobs of the early millennium… He was everywhere making mushy teen films like “Down to you” and “She’s All that”… was it his role as Freddy in “Scooby Doo” that killed it? Because I would rather see Freddy than Adrian Grenier.

And why does no one but the indie kids like Jason Schwartzman? My friends and I have adored him since the early millennium. Phantom Planet’s spicy little drummer. “Rushmore” “Slackers” “Darjeeling Limited” “I ♥ Huckabees” and “Marie Antoinette”… he’s like the coolest man ever..

Why is Gael Garcia Bernal not a bigger star? I suppose he’s just too cool for American kids… but maybe it’s good not to be cool. I think he may be one of the best younger actors… and I would watch him in any language.

So think of these men anytime you want to hire Mr. Le Beef. There are other actors out there.

or do as i do and think of Rufio… who you totally think of  too… don’t deny it

Wait until I create the sequel to this “Where my Girls At” Missing lady teen stars.

♫LAUREN

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The Sneak Attack

Ladies Beware!

Eric can approach at any minute… because he’s wicked stealthy. Which he totally learned from Halo.

Then he might play poker with you or take you across the street (even if you don’t want to go there!) Beware of Sneaky Eric’s they’re just as tricky as hitchhiking ghosts

This was a Paid advertisement from the League of Ladies.

♫LAUREN

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Hold Me Tight

Apparently Isabel and Clay have been missing since wednesday because they have been at a non stop hug-a-thon.

It is now hour 73 and they are still going strong…

They may hug all weekend. Except Isabel wants to see “Year One” so she may accept 4th place.

♫LAUREN

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