And now for a serious message from Lint:
♫LAUREN
Archive for February, 2009
Alternate Career path pt. 7
Christine has always had an intense desire to be a spokesmodel.
As a child she would adorn herself with jewels from QVC and attempted to sell them with her Siamese cat Maui to the other Siamese cats in her household. Although the cats never purchased anything, she did successfully resell several things to her own mother.
One day she saw a commercial with Celebrity guest Cher discussing beauty products… she knew that if she were a spokesperson she could sell the heck out of anything and be adored by all the gay bears out there, just like the curly haired Cher. Christine then started strategizing to which product she could sell to the unsuspecting world…
One day Christine found that opportunity in the greatest exercise invention in the last 42 years… the THIGH MASTER! She realized that she could not only sell the heck out of the THIGH MASTER but greatly improve thigh aesthetics worldwide.
Now the only thing she had to do was dispose of the current THIGH MASTER seller Suzanne Somer’s. Christine made great lengths in sullying her competitions name such as accusing her of thigh implants, attacking the elderly, and of being 72% robotic. Her attempts however failed because she was deemed not Blonde enough to fill the shoes of Ms. Somer’s by the League of THIGH MASTER’s… She thusly died her hair orange, and decided to attend high school with other non-celebrity spokespeople… like Isabel and Lauren.
She does sometimes fantasize what her life would be like if she had removed Suzzane from her THIGH MASTER throne…
basically she’d have thighs that could be licensed as a lethal weapon…
Alternate Career Path pt. 6
Many years ago, on a day very much like today a little girls life changed…this epiphany occured in the windy city of Chicago when Marlene had her first raspado.
The heaven’s shown upon her in this moment of time she pondered the meaning of her life in terms of this delicious flavored ice. She thought of the opportunities she could have, she thought of all the places she’d travel to peddling her snow cones for the world to enjoy. But she realized sno-cone representatives were a dime a dozen. She needed another marketable aspect, and took to the practice of fortune telling.
She spent her childhood mixing new exotic flavors for her adoring flavored ice public and learning tarot cards… imagining how much they would enjoy mango-lemonade raspado while getting their palms read. She could see the day when all the traffic in the state of Illinois could be soothed if everyone just had access to her wonder-ice, and affordable knowledge of future traffic events.
She also knew the best way to share her delicious treats with the world was to get good publicity. Marlene then wrote a letter to the savior of Illinois… Oprah Winfrey. Ms. Winfrey stunned by the business savvy of the young Marlene decided to put her on her show and display a young entrepreneur/entertainer. She was booked to be on the show and then the unthinkable happened, she was bumped due to the length of time Oprah shared the screen with talented poodles who could also mow a lawn.
Distraught Marlene dashed to the streets where a slow moving churro cart was chugging across town. This young psyhcic could have never seen what was going to happen… there was a crash… and suddenly churros and ice filled the streets.
Marlene never recovered from this flavorful disaster, so she became interested in speech patterns of whales. She is currently thought to be teaching the whales to tell fortunes…
your endeavors of raspado dealing as well as traveling psychic will always be remembered.
♫LAUREN
Alternate Career path pt. 5
On Viciously Sweet we use Jimmy as a theme.
Today we will go one step further, the psyche of Jimmy.
Jimmy has had many dreams about what he would do with his life.. flamenco dancer, lingerie model, toy train enthusiast, philanthropist, puppeteer.. yes, Jimmy has dreamt it all.
During his adolesence Jimmy wanted to be a swanky traveling agent…
He dreamed of telling people how to get a passport, and telling them about how warm Belize was in the spring time. He became giddy at the though of explaining in detail, tours that would take singles around Rome…
He dreamt of stacking and organizing brochures… sometimes he would order brochures, open them up and smell them. He then would stack them and place them in order of geographical location east to west in his room and pretend he was a travel agent… his dachshund was the best client he ever had…
His dream however ended with the fall of Yugoslavia, he could not stand a world without brochures to his favorite post USSR state.
Jimmy’s dream shall live on… in the internet.
♫LAUREN
Alternate Career Path pt. 4
Today’s look at childhood dream jobs focuses on the dreams of Caitlin.
In the early 1990’s Caitlin, an avid fan of Reebok’s and tie-dye spandex shorts had a secret dream. Unlike most little girls who dreamed of being teachers, and ballerinas, and foley artists… Caitlin dreamed of becoming a professional grade worm digger.
She spent many summer afternoons shoulder deep in the muddy fields digging for her wriggly friends. She would place them in worm condos and dream of the days she could have a worm farm and sell them for profit. She even tried to sell them roadside (like a lemonade stand.) But not many people were interested in buying worms…
She then tried to train them and create a worm circus… but this too was a short lived dream, as two of her star worms refused to perform with less experienced worms.
Caitlin became absurdly distraught and moved across the country… now she lives a worm-free lifestyle in California, with her fiancee John, and a dog named Lily…
…but if things had gone the way she planned she would be the owner of the nations largest worm plantation…
Remember… on the internet all your dreams are alive.
♫LAUREN
Alternate Career Path pt. 3
As a child Isabel dreamed of many things like puppies, Wild Omar, and Clay Aiken. Little did many know that Isabel also dreamed of becoming an RV Saleslady.
Yes, it is true Isabel loved the idea of low interest loans and signing contracts. She adored the thought of sliding over the keys to a crisp new Winnebago to an adventurous retired couple.
It is fabled that she spent many a night decorating her room to look like a car lot selling anything with wheels to her syblings and collection of Barbie’s. Isabel was a natural born saleswoman.
However her dream was never meant to be a reality… during one night the sticky Wildomarian winds ripped through her room runing her car lot diorama… and turning her bedroom into a sticky mess.
She was devastated, and mildly slimey.
She then went to her second plan, working with rats and cells and becoming a scientist.
on the internet your dreams can come alive
♫LAUREN
Isabel and Clay: Origins
Many people around the globe have been intrigued with the connection between Isabel and Clay Aiken. Many have asked how long has this “connection” been going on?
The answer may shock and amaze you, as we share with you this awesome exclusive content from Isabel’s childhood.
As you can see from the photograph below Isabel and Clay have know eachother for years… they’re admiration has since grown in trifold!
Here is a photo of them as young tender friends celebrating weird basket day…
What a TENDER GOOD TIME!!!
In fact Isabel’s own mother was not aware of the magnitude of dressing Isabel in this fine outfit. She just thought it was a clever catchphrase all the kids were into, she didn’t realize it was the start of an odd fascination that would stick with her first born forever.
Isabel and Clay a love that has lasted a lifetime… what a feel good story
♫LAUREN
Alternate Career Path pt. 2
Many years ago there was a little Eric that was fated to become the voice of our generation… until he met video games.
As a young child Eric would roam the streets with his dog earred copy of So you want to be President?sharing with anyone that would listen to him about his political platforms such as … candies for everyone, tropical shirt Tuesdays, and universal kittens.
(he really owns this book, except his version is highlighted, and has notes and post-ts all over it)
FUN FACT! his favorite helpful hint is #46 answer questions with more questions…
This however all changed one night whilst playing F22 Interceptor. Eric realized that playing video games was much more fun than his history and government homework. His interest in the presidency wained as he continued to play with the television screen glowing deep into the night. At the age of 12 after eating at the Red Lobster he decided he would much prefer to be a lobster whisperer…
And when that didn’t pan out the way he had hoped for…
…he decided on industrial technology.
This is the future Eric could have had if he had become a politician…
(note his tropical shirt and lobster awareness button)
this would have been his campaign… (as you can see he’s been teased about this before)
take your “Change” actual president Obama… Eric would have brought the people of the United States “Good Times”
Things could have been so different.
♫LAUREN
Alternate Career Paths pt. 1
David’s love of water and splashing could have led him to being a brilliant seal trainer at Sea World, if he hadn’t missed that important day in the second grade when he had a cold. Instead he attended school on Jan 13th 1995 and became fascincated with becoming an engineer…
Things could have been so different.
♫LAUREN
Lincoln’s Birthday in the 09!!!
Joy to the world it’s Lincoln’s birthday!
Let the earth receive its Lincoln…
Today celebrate with some Lincoln logs, Abe Kabobs, and Party streamers… watch the play Hamlet…because if Lincoln was here that’s what he’d be doing…
Happy 200th birthday!!!
♫LAUREN
The Mc Feel-its
Some people have been wondering what it would have been like if Isabel, Christine and I were in fact a 1960s girl group…
or maybe they haven’t…
but if we were this would be our story:
One of the most popular gospel bands of the 1960s… The McFeel-its.
This cheery threesome would traverse the United States and Canada spreading the word of Jesus with cheerful songs about the Lord and all his friends. They were known to have large coifs in which they held all their worldly possessions. Sometimes they would have a bible, a deck of cards, harmonicas, and even a toaster located conveniently in their follicles. After all, they weren’t nuns :)
They became very famous in the New Brunswick region of Canada, where they set up a small theatre called “Mc Touch this Theatre”. There they performed all their hits including “Thar be My Jesus,” ”The Lord’s Rap,” and “Holy Paradise” (which Coolio sampled for his song ‘Gangsta’s Paradise’) to sold out audiences. There performances were sold out for eight years straight, due to the fact there was little to do in New Brunswick.
In 1968 Christine McFeel-it left the group to create her own Religious inspired sweatshirt line called “Lord Gear,” which was also very successful in New Brunswick
In 1973 the rest of the group disbanded due to neck injuries after packing their bouffants for a European tour, so they too returned to scenic New Brunswick. Where they later opened the “Immaculate Cafe & Grill”
Here is the album cover for their most critically acclaimed album…
all their dreams are alive…
♫LAUREN
El Matador… Jimmy
Architecture was not Jimmy’s first career choice but after the terrible cape accident of 99′, Jimmy could no longer flex in the proper manner to fight the bull. He had to hang up his montera (snazzy hat) and award winning tights to find a new career…
The only other thing he could figure was to be an architect, because he had no interest in being a politician.
Jimmy the internet will never forget your dreams….
♫LAUREN
Jamba Jimmy in Peril
This is what happens to a Jamba Juice when you drink it. Think about the Jamba genocide next time you want to quench your thirst…
♫LAUREN
Here’s a thank you fpr Erik being a spokesperson for the pro-genocide side of these delicious beverages
